What a week! It doesn’t seem possible that it was only a week ago that I took a (for me) very bold decision and started blogging and publicly sharing my internal thoughts on my quest to write erotic fiction… Little did I know that what I was actually starting was the process of connecting with the real me, and giving myself permission to grow and flourish and be true to my inner feelings and desires.
I thought that once I had taken the plunge and decided to do something positive about my desire to start writing, the process would be straightforward… Tell the World what you are doing; connect with some like-minded people; do some research and then crack on with it… How naive was I! In simple, practical terms that is still my plan, but what I had completely failed to grasp was that what I was actually doing was connecting with myself – my real self. Not the People Pleaser self that the rest of the World sees, but the true Lucy Fox, deep down inside of me…
You see, what I have done this week is start living two lives. I am still living my normal, mundane, Real life, just as I always have (though with slightly more spring in my step, joy in my soul, and fire in my belly!) however I have also entered a new life. My Virtual Life. In my VL I can be me. The real me. For the past week, I have been flirty, inquisitive, bold, horny, confident, positive and energised. All the things I want to be in my RL, but don’t quite manage. In RL I feel a strong need to be what people want me to be, and have formed a camouflage to hide behind. In My VL, I don’t need to hide. I can be free and uninhibited. Trust me, the irony isn’t lost on me that the Real Me only comes out in my Virtual life… Go figure! But what I do know already is that by taking the decision to enter this VL, my real life is going to benefit. (It already has) It will take time and change slowly, but I am certain it will happen.
I have learnt two key things this week as a result of kick-starting my new life.
Firstly, the world is full of people just like me with anxieties, worries, foibles and desires. Technology now enables us to find each other and create our own little world of like-minded people. I have engaged with some amazing people in the past few days and have been inspired, supported, loved and amused in equal measure. In fact, totally unexpectedly, I have connected with a kindred spirit already -you know who you are 😉 and we have had a profound and immensely positive impact on each other already. It feels like she is a part of me and we will be connected forever, and yet we will never meet in RL. Mind blowing and all in less than a week of allowing myself to be me….
Secondly, the realisation that before I can write anything meaningful, I need to find my true self. I need to accept and celebrate who I am. Accept my limitations and short comings, and ignore what the rest of the World thinks of me… I am already on that path and enjoying the experience of connecting with me again.
I am changed already, and I genuinely believe these are permanent shifts in me – In my RL – I am more positive and upbeat. I have more energy, feel more alive, more relaxed and in the moment. My imagination is firing again, my creative side is buzzing… I have so many ideas in my head, so many things I want to do, I don’t know where to start. (Reading this you are probably starting to question my sanity and wonder whether I have been smoking something I shouldn’t, but trust me, these feelings are real!)
So for the time being I am going hell for leather living my two lives and extracting the maximum fun, benefit and learning from them and looking to improve all versions of me.
This week has changed me fundamentally. I have shifted. Couldn’t go back even if I wanted to. Still at the beginning of the voyage, barely out of the harbour, but the ocean is there to be discovered and enjoyed and I can’t wait to explore…..
PS – Please do leave comments – I love it when you do, and you will be doing something for me. I am a sponge right now and love the new interaction I have with my virtual world, and want to grow and learn from you all…