Grrrrr. Frustrated I am. And not just in the bedroom department… I am frustrated in the bedroom department, but that is a whole other story and would need a blog thread all of its own. That will need to go on the To Do List for another day.
No, I am frustrated that I am not able to write with the frequency or pace that I would like. This voyage of discovery towards becoming an erotic fiction writer is proving complicated and confusing… It is many things all twisted together and is proving bitter and sweet in ways I could never have imagined. On the positive side, and there are so many positives, I am energised, excited, thrilled, confident, entertained, amazed, heartened, horny, and brimming with ideas. However I am also frustrated, annoyed, stressed and anxious… Will people like what I write; I’m not as good as all the amazing other writers out there; why do I keep getting distracted; why does real life get in the way and thwart my attempts to write….
So, the only thing for it, was to sit down with a trusty cup of tea, early on a Saturday morning and think things through. No need to spend any time on the positives.. My life is enriched already in only a few short weeks from the experience of exploring my new world, and I am loving it. My new virtual world is full of amazing and dazzling people, wonderful experiences and inspiration and eroticism at every turn… No, that is all good. So I sip my team and reflect on why I am feeling so up tight. Frustrated and stressy. As is usual with me, I break it down into its constituent parts.
Frustration – The upside of diving into the erotic writing world is that I am chock full of ideas. My creative juices are well and truly flowing and I have ideas coming out of my ears… That’s a good thing right? Well of course it is, however this is where the frustration kicks in. How do I fit it all in? Real life is already full on and manic busy… I have now piled all this extra pressure on myself to write, to achieve a goal that is really important to me; to who I am as a person, and having made that commitment and started to do something about it, I am frustrated that I can’t make it happen immediately.
Distractions – A big reason for the frustration is that there are far too many distractions. I am like a butterfly flitting from flower to flower in a spring meadow, eagerly sipping the sweet nectar and enjoying every wonderful bloom. The community I have joined on Twitter is full of amazing, fun, sexy people. I have connected with some wonderfully distracting people… who spark my imagination and tease me deliciously. I have discovered Blogs and websites that are inspirational and poignant and entertaining, and I can’t get enough of them. I am voraciously devouring this stream of bits and bytes. Now this is wonderful and uplifting and engaging and energising, but it swallows time alarming, and knocks my good intentions off course without a second thought. I sit down in front of my laptop with half an hour free, and I tell myself I will make progress on my erotic story, and before I know it, an hour has passed, I am late for something, and I haven’t written a single word. Now I have flirted and teased on Twitter, have read a blog or two, been inspired by sensual pictures, and researched how to self publish…. But not actually written a single word of my story….
Quality Time – I think, for me, the whole issue boils down to Quality Time, or in my case, lack of Quality Time. I am a very busy person; Too many commitments; very little time to myself; feelings of guilt about all the things I haven’t done…So as I mentioned above, I congratulate myself at carving out half an hour in my busy day, usually late in the evening, to do some writing. I then beat myself up when I get distracted and spend the time being entertained and having fun in my virtual fantasy world…This half hour slot at the end of a stressful day is not quality time for writing!
So, this morning, rising early drinking my tea and staring out the window at the dusting of snow on the rooftops, (and yes, having been slightly distracted by the lovely people on Twitter) it dawned on me… To write, and to write properly you need to play to your strengths. I am a morning person, always have been. Am one of those annoying, perky people first thing. Up with the lark, full of beans. By 10pm I am like a dormouse; Shattered and ready for my bed… How did I ever think I could be a creative genius at 11pm on a Friday night after a tough week, with half an hour to bash out some prose…. Was never going to work. Quality time is about carving out a long, uninterrupted period, when you are at the peak of your energy, concentration and creativity, and shutting out all those delicious distractions, and letting the words flow from your fingertips… I have realised that it is much better to not even try to write if these conditions can’t be met. Don’t pile the pressure on to produce something for the sake of it, knowing you will have to force it. Walk away, get distracted, recharge the batteries, and then come back to it when you can give it 100% and you will fly… I need to learn to take the pressure off myself. Relax more, and find the quality time my writing deserves…
I feel so much better already. I have spent an hour this morning, with my cup of tea, and I have unravelled the spaghetti in my brain, and made some sense of why I have been struggling this week. Am much happier already, and feel less pressurised and frustrated. I can do this, and it is early days still. I can learn to adjust my routines, build new habits, and create the quality time my writing deserves… You know what, I can do this, and I will do this… Knowing that really does make me happy.
Thank you for reading my ramblings and waffle… I hope it makes sense, and for those of you waiting for the next instalment of Katy & Isabelle, fear not, I will be making quality time very soon to write the next chapter, and I am sure it will be all the better for writing it at the right time and when I am at my best…
Love and kisses as always